Another Perfect Wonder
by Lila Priceless
Summary: Iruka's last minute S-class delivery mission turns into an unplanned rescue. This takes place during the time skip but uses the events of movie 1 as a back drop. Spoilers for Movie 7 & current manga chapters.
1. Chapter 1

Tsunade groaned as the official emissary of the Fire Country Daimyo left her office leaving several gifts for his three daughters and for the families they had married into during the past year. Shizune and Ibiki watched as Tsunade kept her promise and completed the mission request paperwork before handing it to Ibiki as dictated per non classified mission procedure.

"Hokage-sama, are you sure this ranking is correct?" It was rare for Ibiki to question his Hokage, but as acting head of ANBU, S-class missions were his responsibility. He didn't want his spotless reputation tarnished by a delivery mission where a B ranking would have been more appropriate.

"It's from the Daimyo and time sensitive. That warrants the S-ranking," Tsunade grouchily explained.

Ibiki nodded before once again questioning his Hokage, "Are you sure about the shinobi assigned to this mission? There are others who are faster and have a higher field rating."

"Do you doubt me, Ibiki?" Tsunade asked, glaring at the scarred man. The visit from the daimyo's representative had interrupted her morning sake and she was not in a good mood.

"No, ma'am," Ibiki flinched. The motion so slight it went unnoticed by all but the Hokage. "It's just that solo S ranked missions are normally assigned to jounin or ANBU."

"Normally you'd be correct, but he's the only person I'm certain can do this," Tsunade sighed waiving her hand to summon two ANBU. "Cat, fetch the Cockroach. Boar, send whomever is loitering in the mission room to the Academy to substitute."

"Okay kids, I want you to study the chakra control theory quietly for the next 30 minutes. If everyone makes above 90% this will be the last pop quiz I give you this year." Iruka chuckled quietly as his students, including Konohamaru, buried themselves in their textbooks. There were only four days left until winter break and bribes of no pop quizzes or homework were prime incentives for good behavior.

The students weren't the only ones looking forward to the holiday break and New Year's celebration. Iruka had spent the passing of the previous two years on solo missions outside of the village and was beginning to think Tsunade harbored a grudge against him. The sudden appearance of an ANBU, bearing a scowling Genma, derailed the train of thought carrying Iruka's hopes of attending the holiday party and reinforcing his theory about Tsunade.

"Okay children, it looks like I have a mission. Be good for your substitute while I am away." Iruka smiled evilly as he packed his things and passed on his lesson plans for the next few days. "Genma, please give them this pop quiz in thirty minutes. You know where I keep the others if they misbehave."

Iruka was able to give his student's one final warning and well wishes for the holiday before the ANBU teleported him away.

"Ah, Cockroach, nice of you to arrive so swiftly," Tsunade smiled.

Iruka cringed. He despised that codename. "With all due respect, Hokage-sama, please don't call me that."

"Nonsense, what else would I call an operative who is impervious to disease," Tsunade grinned, rubbing her hands in glee.

Iruka closed his eyes to keep them from rolling. He'd escaped being experimented on as a child by Orochimaru only to draw Tsunade's attention during a routine medical exam. The natural immunities passed on by his foreign born parents, combined with living in the orphanage as a child and choosing an occupation where he was surrounded by children who were still learning proper hygienic procedures had blessed (or cursed) him with a damn near perfect immune system. "Hokage-sama, you know I'm not impervious to disease. I just have an abnormal resistance to colds, flus, and viruses."

"That is precisely why you are the only one I can send on this mission. The daimyo just sent over a few gifts that need to be delivered to his daughters. I'm sure you remember they'd married nobles in River, Rain and Snow countries earlier this year."

Iruka remembered. He'd created special courses on each country to coincide with the weddings. He also remembered it Konoha's flu season, malaria season in River Country; cholera season in Rain Country; and the best time to catch what was commonly known as "the shakes" in Snow Country – a nasty illness that caused its suffers to shake from both high fever and chills.

"The gifts need to be delivered in time for New Year's Day." Tsunade continued.

"What? That's less than 10 days. I don't think Gai can move that fast," Iruka yelled forgetting he was in his Hokage's presence.

"Relax, it can be done quite simply," Tsunade declared with the ease of someone who frequently traveled great distances very swiftly to avoid gambling debts. "Iruka, give me your map. Shizune, give me a blank scroll."

Tsunade placed the blank scroll between the standard issue map and one she produced from somewhere within her robes and used chakra to merge the information onto one document. "This is an S-class scroll and it is vitally important that no one but you see it. The lines in red are national borders. The lines in blue are rivers. The lines in green are escape routes. The X's are safe houses. If you use the green lines you can move swiftly from location to location."

"What are the things that look like dice and sake bottles?" Iruka asked suspiciously.

"Hehe..ahh...erm... avoid the dice. If you hit any of the sake bottles on your way back to the village, here's another scroll that will make transportation easy. I look forward to seeing you at the beginning of February. Travel safely, shinobi, and be careful," Tsunade cautioned after sealing the gifts into scrolls and handing them to Iruka.

He quickly secured them in his vest and bowed respectfully, "Yes, Hokage-sama. I'll be on my way."

"THAT DAMN BRAT DID WHAT?

Iruka was halfway down the stairs when he heard the Hokage yelling .

"UMINO, GET BACK UP HERE"

Iruka had already turned around when he heard Tsunade's bellows. After years of dealing with Naruto, he recognized that tone as the one related to the three Cs of his job – capturing, controlling and containing children. Naruto was out of the village so that only left Konohamaru.

He was surprised to learn the brat in question wasn't one of his.

"Iruka, take these with you," Tsunade growled and handed him four vials. "flu shot, general immune system stimulant, and protection against the shakes as well as that disgusting stomach flu that invades the northern countries this time of year. That idiot Kakashi left for a mission near the border of the Land of Snow and Lightning Country without getting his winter physical. The village you're going to is near that area. Rent a cabin, hang out for a while. You know the procedure. Just wait for him to come to you."

Unlike shinobi who spent most of their time in the field, Iruka did not keep a bag packed and ready to leave the village. His missions were so varied and sporadic that he preferred to pack for each one as it was assigned to avoid carrying unnecessary objects, or omitting necessary items. He quickly created a list of the things he would need, packed his bags and sealed his apartment before dropping his perishable food items at the orphanage on his way out of the village.

He made sure there were no other chakra signatures nearby before unfolding the lightweight bamboo braces and attaching the opalescent silk "wings" he'd added to what his standard issue backpack. He'd learned at an early age that the key to a good prank was getting away. After a lesson on early types of protective gear during his academy days he adapted the silk covering used by Mongolian warriors as a shield against projectile weapons to suit his own needs. The aerodynamic design caught the wind enabling him to go farther with each step without using more chakra. The shimmering fabric captured light and reflected it back into the eyes of his pursuers so they never really got a good look at him or what he was wearing.

A few hours later, Iruka found himself at the River Country border. He surveyed the land and consulted his map while stopping to refill his canteen and have a light snack. He then zipped away his wings and pulled the snowshoes and chakra netting from his pack. The wide base that made snow travel easier was also effective in muddy marshlands. The lightly charged net repelled insects and other unpleasant creatures.Two days after leaving his village he'd completed the first of his deliveries.

The journey to the border of Rain was also peaceful. Unlike River Country,which didn't have a ninja village, Rain was a bit more difficult to get into. The upheaval of the previous wars had left the country unstable and its people bitter. The arranged marriage to one of the Fire Country's princesses was an effort on behalf of both nations to ease political tensions and dampen the seeds of a dangerous new religion. As such, the majority of Iruka's burden would be left at the young daimyo's palace. After several hours of being detained at the checkpoint, Iruka was granted admission to the nation. He walked slowly and deliberately, letting the rain hit his body without even a cloak to shield him. Foreign shinobi clad in raingear were often accused of being spies and attacked without warning. No one could fault citizens for being mistrustful of "suspicious people sneaking about the village" even if their bodies later turned up with later bearing signs of torture and chakra induced injuries.

Three days later, he was racing across the northern edge of Fire Country on one of the green routes Tsunade's map listed. He arrived at the Fire Country/Sound border shortly after nightfall. He only had five days to complete his final delivery, but traveling that close to Sound without adequate rest was foolish. He studied his surroundings and used the information he'd learned working in the mission room about border patrols to decide where to set up camp. After finding a spot that was far enough from the patrol route he wouldn't be a nuisance, but close enough he would feel safe sleeping; Iruka removed the chakra net and a pot from his bag and secured the rest of his materials. He then left to gather a few edible plants and go fishing. A short time later Iruka returned to his campsite. He quickly built a small fire and placed a pot full of water beside it. Once the water was boiling, he added rice to the vegetation and fish and set the mixture over the fire. It wasn't long before he was surrounded by four ANBU members.

"Hi, guys. I figured I might have some company so I made enough for several people." Iruka said pointing to the large leaves he'd found to use as bowls while his stew was cooking.

He received an angry growl in response. "Why are you setting up camp in this area?"

Iruka wasn't quite able to place the voice; but going by the stance and agitated demeanor he guessed that Yuugao was the ANBU growling at him. "I'm on a mission. It was safer to stop here before continuing to my destination."

"Let me get this straight." This time a different ANBU growled at him. "You're on a mission so you decide to build a fire and cook dinner without bothering to hide the smoke or scent of food cooking?"

"Yes." Iruka nodded for emphasis. "I'm still in Fire Country, but this close to the Sound border I would most likely get killed or injured by Konoha border patrols if I tried to avoid detection. I decided this was the best way to let you know I was here. Besides ration bars aren't that tasty."

"How do we know you're really who you appear to be and this isn't some sort of trick?" a third ANBU questioned.

This time Iruka recognized the voice immediately. "The same way you know that if any of my students have senbon injuries, more than just your balls will be itching."

"It's him. Only that demon king would think those little monsters need to be protected." Horse, also known as Shiranui Genma, replied helping himself to a bowl of stew.

After Genma's declaration the others also grabbed a bowl, turned their backs, and began eating.

Iruka waited until they were mostly finished before asking, "Will one of you do me a favor?"

"That's the real reason you fed us,isn't it?" asked an ANBU whose mask or voice Iruka didn't recognize.

"Partially," Iruka smirked, handing the ANBU a letter. "I'm sure my dear old mother would love to hear how her son is doing."

"You do realize she's going to kill you for saying that?" Genma laughed.

"After this mission, I might let it slip to my younger kids how much she's missing being called 'Baachan' since their older brother is out of the village."

The two unknown ANBU almost choked at Iruka's last statement. It was common knowledge to refer to the Hokage as "Mother" when they were on covert missions. As part of her personal guards, their ears had experienced the misfortune of being nearby when Naruto called her "Grandma". They had thought it was just the fox boy being disrespectful again since he'd also called Sandaime "Old Man". Now, after hearing what they thought was a quiet unassuming chuunin academy teacher and desk worker threaten a higher ranking nin, call the Hokage an old woman, and lure them with food just so he could use them as a messenger service, they weren't so sure.

"I still can't believe they let you anywhere near the Academy, much less as a teacher." Yuugao smiled wryly as she motioned for her ANBU to retreat. "And the elders wonder what happened to the quiet obedient kids Konoha once raised. How far should we stay back, Oni-sensei-sama?"

"Twenty-five feet. I'll be leaving shortly before sunrise," Iruka replied, grinning.

Yuugao nodded. "Let's go, guys. The border isn't going to patrol itself. Be sure to tell the others not to come within a 25 foot radius of this campsite before sunrise."

"What's the point of telling us he is here if he doesn't want us to watch over him?" Rooster asked as they hopped back into the trees.

"He did it for our benefit. He didn't want us to get caught in his traps," Genma explained.

"He's a chuunin. What's so bad about his traps?" the unfamiliar ANBU asked.

This time Yuugao answered**.** "Tenzou, do you remember when Uchiha-sensei disappeared for a week during the last year you were at the Academy?"

"Uchiha-sensei? The one who made us call him Uchiha-sensei even though there were two others at the Academy? Wasn't he on a classified mission for the Hokage?" the wood user asked.

"No, that's what they told us while they tried to unseal him. Do you remember the obstacle course we had to run without chakra?" she continued.

"The one where they'd make us touch the imprint tags and channel our chakra so we'd automatically start over if any were detected?"

"That's the one. Iruka stole some of the tags and used Uchiha-sensei's clone demonstration to capture his chakra signature. He put the tags on the walls of the Uchiha compound and trapped him inside for a week.

"Couldn't they see the chakra with their Sharingans?"

"The seals were placed on the bottom of his shoes where no one would think to look for them. Iruka did that as a prank when he was a kid. Can you imagine what he'll create to protect himself on a mission?"

Iruka waited until he could no longer hear the ANBU talking about him before setting his traps. He made the outer ring twenty five feet from the center of his campsite and the rest at three feet intervals in concentric rings. It may have been overkill, but he didn't want to take any chances so close to Sound.

It was still dark when Iruka woke up the next morning. He used a few dried leaves to rekindle the fire and heated the remaining stew for breakfast. After cleaning his campsite, Iruka consulted Tsunade's map and memorized the markers he'd need to quickly cross Rice Field Country. He made sure to place his extra weapons within easy reach just in case he would need them.

"Only one thing left now**,**" Iruka thought as he took a deep breath and calmly directed chakra to his ears and his fingers. He took another deep breath and placed his chakra covered fingertips in his ears and began to hum. Now that the jutsu was in place it would protect his hearing by filtering volumes above or below certain decibels and frequencies while enhancing his ability to detect natural sounds such as footsteps and breathing. He had to admit it was genius of Neji and Tenten to invent a jutsu just to mute their over- enthusiastic teammate and sensei.

The journey through Sound was quick and uneventful thanks to Tsunade's map. There was a safe house a full day away so he nibbled on soldier pills and continued moving even after he'd crossed into the next country.

The first thing Iruka noticed when he arrived at Snow Country was the presence of both Cloud and Snow Ninjas. He didn't feel the same sense of hostility as he did while in Rain, but a feeling of uneasiness remained with him. He delivered his packages and remained at the palace at the insistence of the Fire Daimyo's youngest daughter. He spent most of the evening regaling the new bride with tales of her home country. He kept his topics general and focused mainly on Tora's repeated attempts to escape the princess's mother. Even though Iruka was speaking about mundane subjects, he noticed the Snow noble and his ninja guardians were listening intently and asking very specific questions about the children assigned to the mission and where the cat was captured. Iruka was grateful the princess only had vague memories of the terrain around Konoha and civilian misinformation about the shinobi clans and their abilities as she naively chattered about Fire Country and its military.

The next morning, Iruka bid farewell to his host and accepted an escort to the border of Snow County. He immediately turned southwest and made haste toward Fire Country. He traveled several more hours before making a clone to continue southward while he smeared dirt and animal feces over himself to mask his scent and headed due north towards the safe house near the ocean.

Iruka traveled four hours before finding a cave and taking shelter. His chakra was running low and he needed his clone to last a bit longer. He knew another two hours would give the clone enough time to create a false trail and disappear in a large city on the way to Konoha. Iruka removed his filthy gloves before digging in his pack for a ration bar. He chewed the nutritionally fortified sawdust slowly before slipping into a meditative trance. His eyes snapped opened when the clone dissipated and doppelganger's memories came rushing back to him. Two of the Snow shinobi along with a tracker from Cloud followed the clone after they separated just to make sure he was truly headed for Konoha. The clone did as instructed and got what appeared to be sloppy drunk before literally disappearing inside a cheap fetish brothel specializing in what appeared to be diseased whores. Iruka didn't know what was worse, the muck covering his body or the pus filled lesions masking the gender of the whore his clone had chosen. Regardless, the old whatever it was did the trick; Iruka's pursuers disappeared as soon as it removed its clothing.

Iruka consulted his map before once more donning his dirty gloves and heading northward again. He stopped at the first lake he came to and removed as much muck as he could before dipping into the frigid waters and swimming across it. The next safe house was only two miles away from the other side. Iruka shook as much water off of himself as possible and used chakra to disperse the mud beneath his feet and minimize footprints before heading to the safe house that would put him on the northern route to the Snow/Lightning Country border.

Beta'ed by the Kirin Saga and Daevilgenius on LJ – Thank you both again so much!


	2. Chapter 2

Kakashi's mission was relatively simple compared to some of the others he'd taken on recently. His mission this time was to investigate rumors of an alliance between the Snow and Lightning countries. The only foreseeable problem was his mission was commissioned by Princess Yukie. After returning to her rightful position on the throne, there had been a few rebellions and threats from those loyal to her uncle. Most of them had been resolved until rumors of an alliance between one of her cousins and Kumogakure began to surface.

Sneaking into the Snow Country was easy for someone of Kakashi's caliber. It didn't take long for him to realize the cause of Yukie's concerns. For every twenty Snow ninjas he noticed at least 3 Cloud ninjas. The last time he'd been to Snow there had been very few Snow ninjas and none from the Lightning Country. It was a well known fact that the Raikage didn't believe in alliances or true peace treaties. Like most older and battle worn shinobi he believed that documents declaring peace were a formal time out so all the parties involved could plan and prepare for the next battle. It would be interesting to find out if so many of his shinobi were in a neighboring country with his permission or if there was a deeper plot to take over both countries.

In the three days Kakashi skulked about the area he was able to learn that there was a plot to overthrow Princess Yukie so the "true" leader could ascend to his "rightful" position, as well as which city was being used as their headquarters. However careless and inexperienced they were, the Snow ninjas were careful not to mention the name of the person behind the rebellion.

It was relatively easy to follow a group of the poorly trained Snow ninjas to the building being used as their fortress. He spent the better part of the next day searching for a way inside the heavily guarded fortress before finally summoning Pakkun and Bisuke to locate an entrance. It only took ten minutes for the kind hearted Snow ninja, who knew nothing about animal summons, to invite the poor, abandoned strays into the building. After two days of roaming the building, they were able to report floor schematics, number of occupied beds, and weak spots in seals guarding the building.

Years on the battlefield had created a bond between master and ninken, so after verifying the initial reports from his dogs, Kakashi didn't bother to take the time to second guess each and every bit of information his summons had given him. If he did, he would have noticed the secondary air elemental seal beneath the primary water seal had been changed since his ninken were last in the building. After breaking the initial seals and setting off the silent alarm, Kakashi slipped, seemingly unnoticed, into the building. He moved fast, searching each of the rooms and finding evidence of several different shinobi, but no real incriminating evidence.

He had almost finished the long hallway when ten Snow shinobi appeared. After twenty years on the battlefield, Kakashi was able to quickly assess his enemy. They were low level chuunin at the highest, not to be taken lightly but nothing he couldn't defeat easily. He defeated two of them quickly while carefully listening for any mention of reinforcements. He overthrew another three more before succumbing to the enemy.

Kakashi woke up an hour later from his feigned unconsciousness, delighted to see that he had not overestimated his enemy. He was chained to a wall by his wrist without any chakra suppressors or finger restraints. Their half-assed search had even left a small arsenal on his person. He immediately formed a clone and used a replacement jutsu to free himself. He quickly searched the wing he was being held in and copied every document and piece of information he heard onto a scroll and sent it to his ninken's dimension. He wasn't planning on staying long, but he had nowhere to hide anything while pretending to be the good captive. He repeated the process several times and managed to search the entire facility underneath his guard's noses within the first two days of his imprisonment.

Kakashi was repeating the process for the final time when he felt two strong chakra signatures approaching. The Cloud ninjas had returned. This time, instead of freeing himself and trading places with his clone, he made it teleport to a pre-selected part of the building. The Snow shinobi were not only clueless but also very hospitable, so he had plenty of energy to maintain it. They fed Kakashi two small meals a day and they didn't notice their captive was extremely healthy, or that extra food was missing from their well stocked kitchen.

Unlike his current captors, the new additions were more experienced and less forgiving. Moments after her arrival a smiling woman with clear purple eyes, who was possibly her country's equivalent to Morino Ibiki, ordered that Kakashi be stripped to his mask and underwear. Only a master of torture would undress an enemy and leave just enough clothing to maintain their sense of self and dignity – a tactic that made their later removal more demoralizing and cruel. These ninjas also had the good sense to use chakra restraints and throw him into an unheated, leaky underground cell. Kakashi listened intently as the Cloud ninjas loudly berated the other shinobi for their carelessness and improperly securing a prisoner. He almost laughed in disbelief at the simple minded shinobi when they lied and said he was captured a few hours ago trying to sneak into the building under the cover of night. They had just provided the perfect alibi and reason not to make new plans since their old ones had been discovered.

Kakashi's glee ended when the Cloud shinobi returned and began the first of what would become many torture sessions. He held out a full day before the control on his clone began to weaken. He knew the Cloud ninjas had brought back important information, but so far the clone's movements had been restricted by his own weakness.

"Think, Kakashi, think."

The man groaned, looking around the cold stone cell for something he could use. He was no closer to formulating a plan several hours later when a group of shinobi dragged him out of his cell for another session of what seemed to be their favorite pastime – which one could make the great copy-nin scream like a little girl.

"Shit," Kakashi cursed internally. He'd had the answer all along. Everyone in the compound came to his torture sessions. All he had to do was hold on to his concentration long enough to instruct the clone to hide some food and the chakra pills from his jounin vest in his cell. All ten of his fingers and left arm was broken, so they didn't even bother with the wrist cuffs anymore. He could always re-summon the clone to release him after he'd regained his strength. It was such a simple idea he couldn't believe he didn't think of it sooner. Everyone in the camp had taken several go's at him so he knew what method they liked to use. All he had to do was hold out long enough for the clone to at least drop off the food.

"A little bit longer, a little bit longer, a little bit longer." Kakashi repeated that mantra over and over as the kicks, blows, kunai, shuriken, as well as various low level ninjutsu and genjustu were thrown at him. He could feel the tug on his waning chakra grow more difficult to maintain with each injury. The clone was now making it down the hallway to his cell. "Just a little more, please a little more."

Kakashi didn't realize he'd said the last part out loud until a large shinobi laughed at him "You want more eh? I'll be more than happy to give it to you."

Kakashi saw the ridges of a thick soled boot on possibly the largest foot he had ever seen. He heard bones cracking, feeling warm liquid gush on his face as a blood curdling scream rent the air. He passed out on the verge of realizing the ragged voice belonged to him.

"Idiot, why didn't you aim for the other side? I had high hopes for that Sharingan!"

Kakashi woke up covered in blood in the cold dark cell. He didn't know how long he'd been there, only that the rats had eaten most of the food the clone had left behind the door. He half crawled, half dragged himself to the corner and finished everything left by the rodents. He lay there for what seemed like an eternity, forcing the food to remain in his stomach before dragging himself to lie beneath the leak in the ceiling. He passed out again after making it where the cool water could drip on his abused face.

_Thank you so much St. Harridan for beta reading. _


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3 **

_Disclaimer: I am not rich, Japanese, a publishing house or a movie company. Naruto and its characters belong to Kishimoto Masashi. Seven Samurai and the character Manzô as well as his suspicious nature belong to Akira Kurosawa, __Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann and __the village of Giha belongs to __Gainax__ and co-produced by __Aniplex__ and __Konami__._

* * *

Beta'ed by St. Harridan

* * *

Iruka remained in the safe house a full day to regain his energy and formulate the best plan to infiltrate the Snow and Lighting border. His mother was born in the Lightning country and was one of their best kunoichi before abandoning her country for the Mist nin who would later become Iruka's father so he was more familiar with the territory and its people than any Konoha shinobi had the right to be.

It was only after leaving the village as a chuunin and passing landmarks that he realized most of his childhood dreams were genjutsu cast by his parents. They were determined to show him their native countries and all their hiding places in between. He was trying to figure out a way to teach seals to his clueless and unmotivated students when he realized that the silly songs about the Chinese zodiac and accompanying finger movements his parents taught him were actually jutsu and seals when he removed the unrelated lyrics and movements.

Iruka smiled and sang the one song his parents always used when he was upset or in trouble before stripping down the lyrics and summoning their personal belongings. He chose his items carefully before dismissing the summons and beginning his journey.

Iruka received curious glances when he plodded into the village where Kakashi should have been based. He had traded his practically new uniform pants for an older and more worn pair whose pockets were secured with safety pins and chipped buttons instead of the more efficient closings used by shinobi.

His open toed sandals had been replaced by a closed in pair of boots that were strapped to snowshoes by sisal fibers. The standard issue turtleneck was folded up to cover the lower half of his face and mostly hidden beneath a faded oversized parka that was a cross between the one Kiba once wore and those worn by the samurai of the Iron Country.

He'd left his chuunin vest and standards weapons at the safe house; a scroll to summon them was hidden inside a pocket sewn into his underwear. His backpack had been turned inside out leaving only the smooth fur inner lining visible.

After a thirteen hour walk through the snow without using chakra, he was tired and physically worn out. Food and lodging were his immediate concerns, so, paying no attention to the shinobi who had been following him for the better part of an hour, he turned down a side street that appeared to lead to a poorer section of town.

Iruka slowly shook the snow from his coat, untied his snowshoes and stomped his feet to remove the grime stuck between the heavily soiled boots then entered a seedy restaurant. He looked around, returning the wary glances of the establishment's other patrons, before taking a seat at the end of the counter. It didn't take long for a middle-aged waitress to appear and place a steaming mug before him.

"Hot tea. The first cup is always on the house for anyone traveling in this sort of weather," the woman explained. "I can bring you a menu, but I recommend the beef donburi. It's hot and filling and quite frankly you look like you've had a hard journey and could use the nutrition."

"I…um…" Iruka blushed wildly, surprised at the woman's honest assessment before stammering, "How much is it in inter-village currency?"

"Seven for a small bowl, ten-fifty for a large bowl, both with unlimited refills on tea," she stated matter-of-factly.

Iruka nodded slowly before reaching into his pocket and removing his wallet. "Excuse me, but where can I find safe lodging for the night and will it be expensive?"

Iruka allowed himself to fidget under the woman's intense stare. Her steel grey eyes softened for a moment before she asked bluntly, "This is your first time out on your own, isn't it? What's a nice kid like you doing so far away from his mama?"

"My presence was putting my family in danger," Iruka answered softly before chewing on his lower lip, the blush going all the way up to his ears.

"You?" The woman snorted, the action doing nothing to improve her shrewish features and earning her a glare from Iruka. "What kind of place is there in this world where a boy like you causes that sort of problem?"

"Don't be offended. You look like a good kid – well, nice young man. I haven't been in business for thirty-five years without being a good judge of character. You seem like the type who would apologize to a rabbit for killing it after you let it eat half of your crops. I can tell by looking at those shoulders you're used to working hard. Anyone who isn't responsible would be on their second bowl of hot food and drink without giving a thought to where they would spend the night. Many people would like to keep nice young men like you around. That's all I'm saying. So," the woman smiled, "why's a nice kid who's obviously concerned about his family roaming around the border days before a snowstorm?"

Iruka took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, allowing his fist to clench and unclench with the movement. He'd stick with the standard story. One common enough to be believed, but personal enough no one would ask too many questions and would understand if he were evasive about the details and his full name. "One of the councilmen in our village didn't think I was good enough for his child. It was leave or else."

The woman nodded slowly simultaneously motioning to the shinobi who had seated themselves at the table behind Iruka and to a younger waitress. "Bring him a large bowl of donburi and refill his tea."

"Ma'am, I can't," Iruka stammered, wide-eyed.

"Heartbreak special, kid. This one is on me," the woman said, identifying herself as the owner and wistfully fingering a small gold ring on her necklace before hardening her features and proclaiming, "Romance is for orphans. Love doesn't exist for those with families."

Iruka nodded in agreement and lowered his head to gaze at his nearly empty mug of tea, allowing himself to remember what it felt like to be rejected by his former lover's family. It didn't take long for his meal to arrive, and when it did, Iruka ate silently. The owner was right; the food was delicious and filling, the perfect meal after such a grueling journey. Now all he needed to do was find a place to sleep.

"Ma'am, are there any rooms in this village less than 40ivc a night?" Iruka asked.

"Not where a decent person would want to stay." The woman laughed. "The only places that cheap come with occupants of the six legged variety."

"Or have next door neighbors of the gap-legged variety," a one-eared shinobi who had moved to counter chimed naughtily.

"Yeah, but most of those gap-legs have six legs crawling between them," a dark skinned blond shinobi added. "The only other places for that price are the hunting lodges, but no one would be stupid enough to stay in those drafty things in the winter."

"How much are they?" Iruka asked eagerly. "I'll only be here one or two nights at the most and then I'm continuing on my journey."

"Where you headed?" a voice asked casually.

"Giha Village," Iruka said, removing a fifty year old map and a childhood picture of his mother and great-grandmother. "My mother told me stories of spending her summers in the place where her grandmother found happiness. I hope it will do the same for me."

"Why are you in such a hurry? There's a snow storm predicted for this area. Why don't you at least stay for a few weeks and give it time to pass over?" one of the Snow shinobi, a blond who appeared to be seventeen or eighteen that the others addressed as Shinsuke, suggested.

"That is a good idea," the restaurant owner, whom Iruka learned was referred to as Mama-san, agreed. "It's too dangerous to travel in this type of weather, especially using a map that old. The general store will be open tomorrow. Why don't you purchase a new one? I'm sure the landmarks have changed by now."

Iruka smirked internally at how the shinobi in this village were reluctant to tell him what he already knew. The village of Giha was destroyed over twenty years ago in the Second Shinobi War. Pictures were all that remained of the town which housed the textile store ran by his fifty-six year old semi-retired kunoichi great-grandmother and the sixty year old merchant she married after an escort mission. Giha was the only village equally distant from her grandchildren in the Village Hidden in the Clouds and his grandchildren in the civilian capital of Lightning.

Iruka's delight was short lived when one of the Snow ninja offered to escort him to his lodgings if "Mama-san was willing to let such a kind, innocent boy stay in such a drafty cold place". Iruka caught the hint of suspicion in the man's voice and the familiarity with which the woman rolled her eyes and declared if she catered to his suspicious nature she, along with everyone else in the area, would quickly go out of business. Border towns simply did not survive by locking themselves away and turning away travelers.

Three bowls of donburi and two cups of tea later a nervous Iruka was escorted through the town and into the forest. Shinsuke was telling Iruka about the local wildlife while his female teammate, a younger teen named Arisa, was asking the tan man about his journey to their village.

The hunting lodges were in sight when the cell leader Manzô, a man with sharp beady green eyes who appeared to be in his late thirties, surprised both his subordinates by pulling a kunai from his pouch and advancing on the Konoha chuunin. Iruka hastily grabbed the girl's arm and threw her into her teammate, sending both of them falling to the ground, before running towards the village as fast as his tired legs could carry him. He scarcely made it thirty feet before the three Snow ninjas surrounded him.

"Get away from me, you damned ninja!" Iruka screamed, picking up a snow covered stick to use as a weapon. "Stay back!" Iruka waved the stick at his would-be assailants as he slowly backed himself to the base of a large oak.

"What are you so afraid of?" Manzô smiled. "I thought Konoha ninja were better than that. Aren't you at least going to put up a fight? Make it look good before we drag you back and force you to tell us all of your village's secrets."

"Ninja? What are you talking about?" Iruka looked wildly about, giving all imitations of dropping his guard. "Did that bastard tell you to do this to draw suspicion away from him?"

"Drop the act, Konoha dog! We know you came to rescue your friend!" Arisa snarled, glancing at the older man who nodded approvingly.

"Friend? What friend?" Iruka asked, making no effort to mask the confusion spreading across his face, before coming to a realization. "Shishi? You have Shishi? Where is Shishi? What have you done with Shishi? I don't care if you kill me but just don't harm Shishi!"

"Is he really from Konoha?" Shinsuke whispered rather loudly to his companions. "He doesn't even know how to walk."

Iruka stood there trembling as the three ninja looked at the footprints he'd made. They were deep and sloppy; the type of prints expected from a civilian who was unaccustomed to traveling in snow or using chakra to mask his presence and move effortlessly above the snow. They eyed his pack which he'd tossed in his haste to escape.

"But he has chakra, I feel it." Arisa loudly whispered back in a manner that reminded Iruka of a ten-year-old Naruto.

It was true the man hadn't used any jutsu so far, and when countered, he'd cowered like a civilian. No real ninja would ever throw away his pack.

"Grab him," Manzô ordered, picking up Iruka's backpack and making his way towards the nearest cabin.

"Let go, you damn thugs!" Iruka struggled as the younger ninja grabbed his arms, allowing himself to be half-dragged, half-carried into the building where the older shinobi had already lit a fire and was rifling through his belongings.

"What are you doing with my bag? That's mine. Be careful with it!" Iruka yelled as the man lifted a kunai modified to look like a fishing knife.

"What is this and where did you get it?" the man asked, his eyes narrowing dangerously.

"It's a fishing knife. My father made it for me," Iruka responded.

"When?" .

"When I was younger."

"How young?"

"About eight or nine."

The man appeared to consider his response before continuing, "Where did you live as a child?"

"Why do you want to know?" Iruka growled defiantly.

"Answer me damn it!" Manzô yelled, pulling Iruka by the hair. "Where did you live?"

"Several places. We moved around a lot to escape the war."

Manzô used the age Iruka had given the bar owner to determine that the tan stranger was born during the Second Great Ninja War, and the knife was made during the Third Great Ninja war. Arisa was right; the man did give off chakra, more than a civilian but not the precise waves or tell tale absence of a ninja trying to hide his chakra.

"Shinsuke, hold his arms. Arisa, you keep his legs still." Iruka could feel the two younger nin trembling on either side of him as they repositioned him to follow the older man's orders.

Iruka began kicking when the man unlaced his boots, loosened his leg wrappings and removed his socks. He began screaming when he felt a more powerful chakra source enter the room.

* * *

_Author's Note: The character Mifune in the later chapters of Naruto Shippuuden is based on one of my favorite actors – Toshiro Mifune. Many of the characters he portrayed were samurai in movies directed and written by the absolute genius filmmaker Akira Kurosawa. I am following in Kishimoto-sensei's footsteps and using some of those characters._

_Author's Note #2 – How bad is it that I characters mixed up? This is my first multi-chaptered fic and I'm a bit amazed I'm actually writing something longer than a one-shot so please forgive me. The person previously referenced as Matashichi is actually Manzô._

_Ps - Real life has eaten my betas. Would anyone like to volunteer?_


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4 words 2380**

_Disclaimer: I am not rich, Japanese, a publishing house or a movie company. Naruto and its characters belong to Kishimoto Masashi. Seven Samurai and the character Manzô as well as his suspicious nature belong to Akira Kurosawa, Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann and the village of Giha belongs to Gainax and co-produced by Aniplex and Konami._

The man holding Iruka's leg roughly squeezed his toes. "Tetsuryuu-sama," the Snow ninja exhaled at the Cloud ninja who joined them.

"Manzô-san, Mama-san told me you were escorting a guest to one of her houses. She seemed a bit concerned. Why didn't you inform me of your goodwill endeavors?" the newcomer purred sweetly.

"I…um, I didn't want to bother you, Tetsuryuu-sama." The man deferred to the woman who was clearly his superior.

"If you didn't think it was worth bothering me, why are you harassing Mama-san's customers?" the woman asked sweetly while gazing at the Konoha chuunin who had the good sense to squirm under her scrutiny.

"He has chakra, Tetsuryuu-sama!" Iruka's youngest captor proclaimed. "It's a bit like yours, but untrained."

"Really? How are they alike?" The round-faced, purple-eyed kunoichi exclaimed with coldness in her voice that hadn't previously been there.

The girl quickly realized her error. After her country's rightful leader was overthrown, her family fled to Kumogakure where Tetsuryuu and her civilian mother, Tetsuko were legends. According to the rumors, Tetsuko and nine other virgins, food, supplies and housing were given to a group of Cloud ninja during the Second Ninja war as a way of persuading them to leave their village in peace. Of the ten girls selected Tetsuryuu-sama's mother was the only one who survived the ordeal relatively intact.

At first all ten girls were regarded as heroes. Four months later, Tetsuko was exiled from her village. The other nine girls had been severely damaged and would never be able to bear children. Rumors began to spread that the lesser injured Tetsuko, whose belly grew rounder every day, had drawn the men to their village. Instead of committing suicide or running to Konoha where all refugees were welcome, Tetsuko found her attackers and offered her services so long as they promised to destroy the ungrateful village which betrayed her.

The greatest fear of any ninja was that one day the village they'd bled and killed for would deny their deeds and disown them for more "politically advantageous" options. The young civilian once more found herself in the hands of twenty of the Cloud's strongest and most ferocious nin. This time she was treated as a comrade. She cooked, cleaned and bandaged wounds, and was used for reconnaissance. Not even the suspicious Stone ninja suspected a traumatized pregnant civilian with no chakra as a spy. One year after leaving her village, Tetsuko and the remaining eleven ninja returned. She watched calmly, infant daughter strapped to her back, as the band of shinobi razed her former home. When they reached to Kumogakure, the child was added to the family registers of all twenty men who had lain with her. She refused to have her child chakra's typed to determine paternity and no man wanted to run the risk of exposing family secrets by having their biological child raised by another clan.

As the recognized child of twenty men, Tetsuryuu was a member of all of Kumogakure's most prominent clans as well as several lesser known ones, and had achieved mastery in the family jutsu of each. While the men and Tetsuko were perfectly happy with this arrangement, their wives and mothers were civilian was often referred to as a whore, slut, and opportunist, claims to which she would often reply with, "Any way to speak to a woman who has suckled your grandchild at her breast?" or boldly handing Tetsuryuu to some angry wife while asking, "What sort of woman would carry on in such manner knowing it makes her husband's child upset."

"I'm waiting, Arisa-chan. How is this civilian's chakra like mine?" The jounin asked kindly while fingering a kunai. In the true kunoichi fashion, Tetsuryuu was proud of the circumstances surrounding her birth and anyone who dared imply she was anything but the legitimate child of several genius shinobi and a woman whom was chosen by the gods for greatness was quickly begging for a merciful death.

The teen stammered and paled before blurting Iruka's mother was blessed by the gods to have carried the child of a strong shinobi.

Iruka took his captor's momentary distraction to renew his struggle, only to be pinned to the floor by his neck. He looked up into the clearest violet eyes he had ever seen. Eyes that were eerily familiar.

"Tell me, little one," the Cloud kunoichi asked, dragging her fingers across the scar on his nose before patting Iruka on his head. "Was your mother willingly led astray by a foreign ninja or did she go kicking and screaming? Does she regard you as the most precious thing to come into her life or as the unfortunate reminder she was unable to escape when someone stronger and faster was in the mood for rutting? Or perhaps she sees you a punishment for giving into her baser desires."

Iruka's chakra spiked in pure, uncontrolled anger, "How dare you speak of my mother in such a way? Get off me, you bitch!"

"That's good little one." The slightly older kunoichi laughed and released her grip. "I can see why Mama-san was worried about you. You are entirely too reckless. Manzô-san, hurry up and finish," the woman said, giving the man permission to finish inspecting Iruka.

"Sweet gods," Iruka heard the man exclaim as he grabbed his left foot, forcing the Konoha nin on his back. His surprise was echoed by the two younger nin as they looked at the burn scars and calluses covering soles of his feet.

"What happened?" Arisa asked, not bothering to disguise her childlike wonder.

"When I was a child, my village was attacked in the middle of the night. There was fire everywhere. My parents and I got separated. I searched the burned ruins for days," Iruka exclaimed somberly before bursting into a fit of giggles. The man was applying low levels of chakra to his foot. Applying energy to acupressure points was one of the universal tactics used by all ninja to expose a spy as it triggered an involuntary reaction in the recipient's chakra system. The Snow ninja looked at each other incredulously when their captive began to moan as more chakra was applied to the roughened appendage.

"Shinobi-san, I apologize for doubting you," Iruka purred while presenting his other foot. "I did not know it was your custom to give a massage to those who entered your village."

"You heard the man, Manzô-san, finish his other foot." The higher ranking shinobi laughed. "It is very kind and somewhat strange of you Snow ninja to soothe the aches of road-weary visitors. Shinsuke, go gather this man some firewood. Arisa, gather enough snow so this man can have a proper bath."

"Urui-san," the ranking nin called, addressing their undisputed civilian visitor by his pseudonym. "Please enjoy your stay. If you have any questions or need further assistance please rely on the shinobi of this village.

"Thank you shinobi-san," Iruka moaned as the man worked his thumbs into his arches.

"Ryuu-sama. You may call me Ryuu-sama, little one." The woman continued smiling at Iruka warmly. "I hope you find the one that you are looking for."

Iruka thanked the shinobi who had done his preliminary chores before exploring the cabin and storing his belongings. Afterwards he was too tired to do anything but soak in the hot bath the Snow shinobi so graciously left for him and sleep. The next day he woke to the winter sunlight teasing his skin with its deceptive brightness. He wasn't too concerned with the assumption he was a spy from Konoha. The noble he visited was suspicious enough to have him followed so it was logical that he sent advance warning to his comrades to be wary of the possibility a comrade was held hostage was a common tactic used by everyone from bandits to yakuza as a way to force the enemy into revealing themselves.

Iruka couldn't completely ignore the possibility Kakashi had been captured; highly unlikely, but not rolled out of bed and reviewed the maps he'd inherited from his mother while eating ration bar crumbled to look like trail mix for breakfast. Unlike the map he'd shown Tsunade these held all of the places she hid when running from her village as well as every outpost used before her clan banded with two others to form Kumogakure. He selected routes that would take him to most of the locations while appearing to wander aimlessly. He decides to use next few days making his presence known before contacting Konoha for possible news of Kakashi. Once his plan was firmly in place he refolded the cloth maps carefully and redid the stitches that disguised his mother's treasure as boxer shorts that had seen better days.

Iruka took his time checking each of the areas between the green lines on Tsunade's map and the routes shown on his mother's map for signs of recent traffic. Those were areas with what ninja commonly referred to as "good vegetation". The flora grew far apart enough to see lurking enemies, but close enough to leap from tree to tree without great effort. His tracking skills had improved greatly during the years Naruto, Shikamaru, Chouji, and Kiba decided to combine their talents to create what Sandaime called Konoha's Most Dangerous Missing Ninja.

While it was true S-class criminals the likes of Uchiha Itachi and Orochimaru were on the loose, unlike the group of pre-genin truants, those particular miscreants were content to cause mayhem far away from his peaceful village. Iruka and several ANBU learned you couldn't rely on chakra detection when chasing children with undeveloped chakra systems. Naruto was the only one in the group who had enough chakra to actually track but if you ran blindly after it you would inevitably run into one of the creative prankster's traps. Kiba had the luck or misfortune to have an older sibling who insisted that he was her personal doll so he learned to instinctively suppress his chakra and mask his scent as a matter of self preservation. Chouji always carried snacks and blended in quite well in the restaurant district. Shikamaru was so lazy he barely had any chakra output, the boy even breathed at his own pace. Iruka himself was guilty of literally stumbling upon him.

Iruka spent days doing what appeared to the Cloud ninja watching him wandering aimlessly about in the snow for hours consulting an old map looking for landmarks to a village that no longer existed before returning to the cold hunting lodge to cry himself to a fitful three days the Cloud ninja tracking Iruka grew weary of following the man and left him in the Snow ninja's care. It took every ounce of professionalism not to laugh or correct their immature attempts at stealth. On the fifth day of wandering he managed to find a slowly dying tree with directional marker that pointed to Giha village. That night instead of going home and immediately crying himself to sleep he treated his escorts to the excitement of civilian ice fishing.

Iruka spent the sixth day in the village. The largest fish was gifted to Mama-san and the rest were traded for supplies. Fresh fish were a rarity for civilians in the winter since no one wanted to spend all day outdoors at a frozen lake so he received a premium value. On the seventh day Iruka set out for Giha. That night his guardians silently agreed to abandon their duties. Their likable young charge had found the chasm that was once a thriving city. As soon as Iruka noticed his chaperones had retreated he made a clone to continue his bereaved wailing and slipped down into the chasm.

His great-grandmother had been the mother of the Third Raikage, wife of the Second Raikage and wanted by several nations for her own exploits. Her new husband was a rich civilian and the home at the back of their busy store was often filled with grandchildren, or what ninja and bandits referred to as first class bait. He grew up listening to his mother's stories of how she and her civilian step-cousins explored the escape tunnels beneath the fabric store and how she used those same tunnels to escape Lightning **C**ountry when she became a missing ninja.

Iruka tore off pieces of the chakra paper that had been rolled around a cardboard spool and dismissed as simple toilet paper when the Snow Ninja searched his bag. These sheets were wrapped around the pebbles from the shelters he buried in the ridges in of his boots before leaving Konoha. The pebbles were the same chakra lodestone as the Hokage Mountain and would pull traces of any nearby chakra to the paper.

He took his time walking down each tunnel searching for signs of recent activity and hiding the little bundles at half mile intervals. When morning arrived he was exhausted. He called the clone down to the ruined building he was hiding in and dispelled it before promptly passing out.

When he awoke the sun had set and one of his keepers had thrown a blanket over him. He sent out a bit of chakra and used the echo effect from the chakra bundles to determine that he was completely alone before slipping from beneath the blanket. He took his time exploring the area making note of what could be used to further his deception in what was turning into an extended mission.

The majority of the ruins were dry and semi-rotted wood; perfect for building fires that would light fast and burn hot. There were several intact sections that Iruka speculated may have once been part of his great-grandparents store as their good condition showed evidence of repeated chakra reinforcement. Those sections were most likely what the locals meant when they said the ghost worked the wood in hopes of rebuilding.

He continued his journey finding several rusted and broken weapons that could be repaired and re-purposed. He even found a few pieces of cast iron cookware that could be salvaged. He piled all of treasures in an easily assessable but well protected location before climbing the out of the ravine. It was once again time to go fishing.

_Author's note: I wrote most of this before the big reveals chapter 498 and 503 so there will be inconsistencies with canon. As I said, I'm not a rich Japanese man and this is unbeta'ed fanfiction. _


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5  
**

_Disclaimer: I am not rich, Japanese, a publishing house or a movie company. Naruto and its characters belong to Kishimoto Masashi. Seven Samurai and the character Matashichi as well as his suspicious nature belong to Akira Kurosawa, Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann and the village of Giha belongs to Gainax and co-produced by Aniplex and Konami._

* * *

Kakashi was awakened by familiar words. He wasn't sure how long he'd been unconscious or even where he was but he recognized those words.

That particular chapter had gotten him through many sleepless nights plagued by dreams of real and imaginary demons, lonely solo missions without even his ninken for company, extended missions with teammates who'd grown anxious waiting for something to happen, Team Seven training where he pretended he wasn't watching, and well those solitary moments that whose purpose brought porn into existence.

His eyelids fluttered as he held onto those words, his eyes flickering desperately as they tried to obey his shinobi instincts _Move, Open, Get up. _He ignored the pain as he listed to the right, jerking when a foot caught him in the stomach. He tried rolling to the left, this time a kick to the obliques he'd exposed. He lay flat again protecting his stomach as he rose to his elbows and began to crawl.

The words, those familiar achingly familiar words seemed to mock him as they took on a sing song quality bouncing along with the rhythm of the person standing on top of him.

Heel, toe, heel, toe, shoulder blade, kidney, shoulder blade, kidney, heel, toe, _this is our only chance to be happy, we must seize it now,_ heel, toe, heel toe, shoulder blade, kidney, heel toe, _after a lifetime of serving others are we not allowed anything for ourselves? You are what I want most in this world. Your father can not deny us if you are carrying my child. _

Heel, toe, heel, toe, shoulder blade, kidney, heel, toe, _they reached for each other with a level of passion that could only be attained by the truly desperate or the madly in love. She shuttered as his rough fingers pressed inside her, her legs spreading wider, her moans growing wanton, _heel, toe, heel, toe, shoulder blade, kidney, heel, toe. _She cursed, breaking a nail as she fumbled with his breeches to grasp the…_

"What are you doing in there?"

Kakashi's world grew mercifully silent and the bouncing stilled.

"Nothing just reading."

"Go read elsewhere you little fool. No matter how weak they appear an enemy ninja is always dangerous."

The weight slipped off of him, stepping on his already damaged hand in the process. Kakashi inhaled his lungs expanding painfully against his injured ribs. He slipped back into unconsciousness dreaming of a disgraced samurai on the run with a pregnant ninja.

* * *

After catching 10 fish Iruka slowly plodded to the village. His first stop was Mama-san's restaurant. After several minutes of vigorous haggling Iruka was termed a shrewd devil and Mama-san was the owner of the four largest fish - fish that she immediately added to the menu as a special offering after figuring a mark-up percentage on each fillet that would make a yakuza money lender blush.

Iruka's next stop was the general store. When he was last at the shop the owner's pregnant daughter-in-law and young grandson asked for catfish which he didn't have. This time he had caught two sizeable ones just for them and left with a 35 ivc store credit.

He skipped the other restaurants and instead headed for the more affluent section of town where he quickly found several proper matriarchs who each thought their children were more deserving of fresh protein and were willing to pay to prove it. As he was making his way back to the poorer sections he was approached by one of the women who took in wash from the richer ladies.

He passed his night with an emptiness in his stomach that had more to do with fact she'd spent a whole day's pay on a small fish rather than the fact it was the one he'd planned on eating himself.

The next morning Iruka went to the general store and spent a portion of his credit on rope, nails, pitch, several liters of vinegar, six bottles of neutralizing shampoo, black walnuts, a saw, self heating pain patches, tarpaulin, lye, tea, several plastic bathtub stoppers, and ten wooden planks.

He left all of the items except the tarp, rope and two planks at the hunting shack and made his way to Giha village. He quickly sorted the goods he'd stashed earlier and prepared them for transportation. The longer damaged blades were sandwiched between the larger intact sections of wooden walls and bound with a portion of the rope.

The shorter damaged blades and several pieces of the dry wood were placed in whatever pieces of cookware would hold them. He dragged them to the edge of the ravine and began clumsily trying to carry them up the steep walls. It didn't take long for his mostly present companions to take pity on him.

"I told you his chakra was sparking!" Arisa declared triumphantly at Shinsuke, Matashichi and the scowling Cloud ninja who'd drawn the short straw that day.

After Iruka was given a full 15 hours without any type of supervision the night he discovered Giha village the Cloud ninja made sure one of them accompanied the Snow ninja to make sure their guest was properly monitored.

"Yeah whatever," Matashichi scowled at the beaming youngster.

"What are you doing Urui-san?" the older teen asked curiously addressing Iruka's pseudonym.

Iruka scratched his head and blushed sheepishly surveying the items around him. "Salvaging. No one will be upset will they?"

"This garbage?" The Cloud ninja whose holier than thou attitude brought to a mind a mutant love child between Hyuuga Hiashi and Sasuke. "Who cares if some half-breed refugee takes it?"

"Ryuu-sama, it's nice to see you." Arisa calmly stated looking over the Cloud ninja's shoulder.

Iruka watched the asshole's eyes widened as he braced himself for a blow that never came. He was surprised when the man patted Arisa on the head and called her a twisted little bitch worthy of her chosen profession after he was spared the violence that would have been delivered if the purple eyed woman really was behind him.

"Well, Civilian," the man said pronouncing the word with no small amount of venom, "How did you plan on getting _this_ out of the ravine?"

"Don't mind him Urui-san. Takamoto's really not that bad. He's just mad his moth-" Arisa began.

"Finish that sentence and I will tell your mother about a little orange book you were reading last week." The man smiled making Iruka think perhaps Orochimaru had contributed to that mutant love child mix. "You know the orange one with a title that sounds like an Akita puppy during allergy season."

Iruka watched the two ninja snipe back and forth at each other. Between Matashichi's heavy sighs and Shinsuke's eye rolling he gathered the two of them arguing was a fairly common occurrence.

"Ignore them, Iruka," Shinsuke advised while grabbing one of the larger pots for Iruka while Matashichi grabbed another muttering "effective teams should not include family members."

To his surprise Takamoto and Arisa managed to grab two other parcels and quickly scaled the ravine while trading insults with each other. The teacher in Iruka had to admit it was a rather effective form of training the innocent girl to fit in with rougher crowds but he drew the line at telling a child a filthy mouth will come in very handy on future seduction missions.

Once they'd dropped Iruka's belongings on the covered porch Takamoto declared such stepping inside such an impoverished residence was beneath one such as himself ordered the others to resume patrolling.

Iruka set a large pot of snow in the fire and another near it before laying the weapons and cast iron pots in the bathtub and filling it with a bit of lye and cold water. He returned to the main room and watched the snow turn to water then began to boil as a suspicion that had been nagging him since his first day in village grew stronger.

He'd been seen enough for Kakashi to know he was in the area. When he went to the general store quite a few people had asked if he was the scar faced fisherman and would he be willing to sell his catch by the portion.

There had been no signs of chakra when he was in the ravine or any of the signals used by Konoha ninja when making covert contact. The toilet lid was still in the lowered position, there were still three dirty dishes in the sink, the bed covers were still untucked in the lower left corner and a pre-teen had managed to get her hands on Icha-Icha in a town where the closest thing to pornography was an animal husbandry manual.

He speared the plastic stopper and drained the tub then rinsed the dishes and weapons with the boiling water, coughing as the acidic steam burned his nostrils. He poured a full bottle of neutralizing shampoo into the other pot of melted lukewarm water and mixed it with the same stick he used earlier to spear the tub stopper. He plugged the tub again and poured the mixture over the dishes to stop the chemical reaction from the vinegar and lye. He left that to marinate while he resumed information gathering.

After watching Takamoto, Iruka figured he would be the best source of information. The man was braggart and thought everyone was below his intelligence level – something Iruka encouraged by pretending not to understand the insults hidden in big words. He walked to the back of the hunting lodge where several metal basins and foot tubs were stored. He chose one that was large enough a small adult could easily bathe in it and grabbed his fishing gear. He felt the shinobi watching him as he reopened the holes he'd drilled in the icy lake and made a few closer to shore with shorter lines and smaller hooks.

After several hours he had fish of all sizes nestled safely between layers of snow. He'd gotten lucky this morning with his keepers lightening his load but it was unlikely they'd reappear so fast and blow their cover. He placed a piece of the wood he'd recovered from Giha over the top, then laid his makeshift fishing poles over that and used rope to cinch it to the handles of the tub. After securing his cargo Iruka tied the ends of the rope to his waist and set off.

He plodded into the village and headed straight for Mama-san's shop. Once she made her purchase he went back to the affluent area of town and sold what his customers thought was the majority of his catch. He then traipsed back to the general store and sold one of the two large catfish he'd reserved for them. His last stop was the working class section. He scooped out the snow with both hands to reveal several bream, crappie, and sunfish. These species were generally smaller and considered beneath high-brow taste but fresh and nutritious.

He charged $2.00 for a hand sized fish and some were bartered - scraps and bones from the butcher's apprentice; a promise of rice flour from the baker; pieces of cloth from the seamstress; tofu, natto, miso, and a few root vegetables that would soon be bad from two men who worked for a local farmer.

Once the smaller whole fish were sold he quickly cleaned the catfish and chopped it into steaks of varying thickness that he sold from a quarter to a dollar each. After peddling all of his wares Iruka stopped by the general store to purchase stationery and then went to Mama-san's. He wasn't surprised the enterprising woman was also the post master and chief representative of the small business owner's league.

"Well if it isn't the little fox demon, have you come back to sell me more fish?" The woman gently joked.

"Mama-san! That's not very kind!" Iruka shrieked.

"What? It's not like I called you the Kyuubi no Youko or something horrible like that," the woman chuckled, "with that sweet face and shrewd mind you are just like a little demon fox using your magic to transform into a little child and be hand fed by humans."

"It was all over town how you took those few fish on the hill and started a bidding war between our grand ladies. Today I hear you did it again then took little fish to the other side of town. When that wasn't enough you divided up a large one so everyone could afford it."

"Shrewd little demon-child, shrewd" she cackled while shaking a finger in his direction in mock chastisement. "Now let me guess you have a few mussels hidden up your sleeve for me to purchase at a premium rate?"

"No Mama-san. I came to order dinner and to warm up. A nice bowl of donburi and tea will hit the spot." Iruka smiled. He'd felt the watchful eyes upon him when Mama-san mentioned the Kyuubi and saw the wry expression on her face.

Once again Naruto had saved his life. If the real demon container hadn't wormed his way into his heart one prank and bowl of ramen at a time mentioning the Kyuubi and its devastating attack certainly would have been one test that he could not pass.

As it were he could only shake his head and try not to laugh. The boy's last letter had mentioned his first experience with fangirls. Not the shy stalkers like Hinata, but the aggressive let me bear your children type. The boy simply stated, "They can't help it, I'm a fox".


	6. Chapter 6

While he waited for his donburi Iruka removed the stationary set he'd carefully tucked into his pocket. Even though he'd worn gloves his hands were still cold from the exposure to the cold wet snow while handling the fish. His fingers trembled as he shakily penned the most basic hiragana _Dear Mother._

It didn't take long for Takamoto to snatch the pen from him declaring "It's a waste of good paper for an illiterate fish monger to try and write" and that Urui should at least gift his mother with beautiful penship as it were "highly unlikely the unfortunate wench was capable of reading."

He knew the man only volunteered to write the letter so he could learn what Iruka had to say. Iruka ignored the taunts and seemingly kind gesture and began dictating his coded letter:

_Dear Mother and Nee-chan,_

_I hope this letter finds you well. I am safe, but I haven't been able to find the happiness I seek. I'm not discouraged, just as fate delivered you to father's side I'm sure one day the joy I seek will be obtained. _

_The village of Giha was destroyed during the last ninja war but I've found the ruins to be a peaceful place. I can only see as it as my ancestors way of watching over me and telling me to find my own place in this world. Until that day comes I have to remain diligent. As Father always said "a happy home is the reward of patience and preparation."_

_How is the little one? I hope he's not giving you too much trouble now that I'm away. If he is, just tell him the next time I see his scrawny little butt they'll be hell to pay. _

_I'll try to send more money next time. I love you. Stay safe and be happy. _

_Rui-chan_

_PS – I should have listened to the little princess and brought one of the kittens. I don't have rats but company would make the time pass by more quickly. The greedy youngest one is very friendly_

"Are you sure this is the correct address" Takamoto questioned when Iruka gave the mailing address for a village in Wave County instead of nearby.

"It's my sister's address. My mother works for my lover's father. I don't want to put her

in any unnecessary danger. She and my sister trade letters all the time so he'll think nothing of it." Iruka shrugged nonchalantly. The letter was addressed to one of several post office across the continent that was inscribed with a jutsu to teleport any correspondence directly to Konoha's decryption department.

"Perhaps you do have a bit of intelligence. What about this little one? Are you on the run for getting the headman's precious virgin daughter pregnant?" Takamoto asked.

"As far as I know, no one is pregnant. The little one is my brother. He's between Shinsuke and Arisa's but closer to Arisa's. He likes to use the fact his features are so much like our deceased father's to push his limits."

"When he asks for things or does something wrong he always looks like this," Iruka said making his best kicked puppy face and quivering his lower lip. "When he was smaller it was difficult to resist, but now he's at that age where he's starting to get admirers. We don't want him to grow up to be the type of man who survives on his looks."

Iruka continued talking attributing several of his students' antics to his imaginary younger brother. He melded Suzume, Kurenai, Anko, Shizune, and the girl who lived next door before the fox attack into the perfect older sister. The conversation was interrupted by the arrival of Iruka's meal.

He politely excused himself citing a long day of fishing before choosing a solitary table in the back corner near several Snow shinobi. Mama-san nodded and shoo-ed him off. She'd noticed the melancholy smile on the young man's face and the dampness in his eyes when was speaking of his family. After getting seated Iruka made a show of wiping his eyes and brushing his hair behind his ears while moaning appreciatively at the large bowl of donburi to set Neji and Tenten's jutsu in place.

The Snow ninja barely spared a glance at the stranger in their midst and continued talking. Each one of them had spent numerous hours following the man; admittedly he was more inventive than they'd initially given him credit for but he was still a civilian and watching him was as exciting as watching snow falling.

"Lord Washizu says the doctor will arrive after the New Year's Celebrations have ended." A man with a missing ear stated.

"So who do you think is going to get it?" a man with a bright red beard asked.

"You already know" the man with the missing ear sighed sliding his hand horizontally down his cheek.

"It's not fair. That purple-eyed" another man with dark skin and blond hair began. His eyes widened as he looked about anxiously before continuing. "It's not right. We served Lord Kazahana loyally for several years even helping him depose his brother and here come those Konoha ninja. Just like that they ruined everything. We finally get our hands the bastard responsible now they say this woman is slated to receive the highest honor."

The delicious food Iruka had been savoring was starting to sit heavy on his stomach. He'd heard several times in several different ways how Naruto had personally put Princesss Yukie back on the throne with no help from Kakashi or his other team members. Sadly Naruto was the only one who saw it that way.

Years of teaching children who spoke freely but had no idea of what they were saying and then seeing their parents in the mission room had taught him to listen to the most shocking things without giving a visible reaction. (Not that he really believed seven year old's Kiba story of his mother and Kuromaru using the man beast jutsu to wrestle at night and howl at the moon; nonetheless, he was relieved to learn the boy's estranged father had a furlough from his permanent post guarding the border).

He scratched the tip of his nose and picked up another spoonful and continued listening as their fourth companion a bald man who was built like an Akimichi clan member laughed and chastised his table mates. "You three are fools. Lord Washizu will not forget those who were loyal to his father and remained loyal to him after Kakazana-sama was assassinated. It's true that she may get the highest honor, but you forget she's a woman. The highest honor a woman can achieve is to the bear the children of a strong man. The doctor will perform two extractions and implantations that day. She'll get what's fit for a woman and that eye will go to a man."

"Speaking of women did you hear what that brat was doing?" the man with the missing ear asked, "standing on top of the prisoner, rocking back and forth reading Icha Icha. It's shameful."

"Don't worry about that. In their village" The dark-skinned man said referring to the village hidden in the Clouds, "It's a sign of being fit for seduction missions."

This time the large man spoke, "If that's the case, they've given her to the right one. Takamoto may look like a candy-ass, but he'll see to that she gets hers in a few years."

Iruka scratched his nose once again and sneezed unsurprised to hear all four men at the next table give him the customary response to his sneeze. He excused himself and reached beneath the table forming the single hand signs necessary to call his small summons. He dropped them onto the hem of his pants while picking up a fallen napkin.

The group's young sensor had already broadcast that Iruka had more chakra than an average civilian but it was highly untrained so they ignored the spike in his energy when he sneezed. They watched him walk pass their table but eyed him with the disdain reserved for someone who threatened to spread germs over their food when he hastily turned and covered his nose with the napkin.

"False alarm. Forgive me" Iruka said bowing then rushing to the washroom to wash his hands. His act had given the little creatures the momentum and time they needed to scurry inside the other men's pants legs.

Iruka returned to the table and finished his meal. On his way out he stopped and wished the men luck and prosperity during the upcoming year in case he didn't see them again. He overheard one of the men saying he was a good kid. Untrained or not with that amount of latent chakra he'd make a good match for his addled-brained daughter. He worked hard and could baby-sit while she went on missions.

Another laughed and stated how was glad he'd won the lottery. He and the others who were granted leave would head out in four nights. He was eager to see his family during the upcoming holiday. Maybe he could prevent his daughter from becoming such an avid fancier of jounin. The girl was five and he had a bit of time to do it.

Iruka wandered aimlessly trying to think of a strategy now that he was certain Kakashi was captured. It was the winter and the New Year's holiday was close. Several of the ninja were leaving in four nights and the doctor would arrive after the holiday. He'd left Konoha almost two weeks ago. New Year's should have already past. He racked his brain pulling the makeshift sled until he passed the grand houses and saw everyone dressed in kimonos as they made the temple visits customary in the first few days of the year. He meandered to the poorer sections and saw people cleaning. He chuckled quietly to himself and headed back to the general store. It was New Year's and the poor were cleaning their own homes. This village celebrated solar and lunar New Years.

The solar New Year which began January first was for the rich. The poor would work tending to their bosses' parties before getting time off in time to celebrate the Lunar New Year which began a few weeks later. The ninja would be kept around to provide security and escorts for the wealthy before being allowed to go home and visit their own families and have their own Lunar New Year's celebration.

The familiar traditions had given him the perfect cover. Iruka fought the urge to skip as he made his way to the general store. He purchased several bottles of shinobi's bane – fragrant civilian household cleansers as well as rags, a mop He grabbed four cords of firewood one hickory and three pear; both scents that were hell on those with sensitive noses. He left the counter and picked up a pack of underwear as an afterthought. If he'd been in a dungeon for two weeks at a minimum he'd at least want a clean pair of his own drawers.

As soon as Iruka arrived home he used a few pieces of the rotted wood from Giha to rekindle the fire. He placed the hickory wood in the foot tub with a mixture of pine scented cleaner and placed a bucket of snow near the fire. He removed the large cast iron cauldron he'd gathered from Giha and scrubbed it with a mixture of salt and vinegar before rinsing it with the water. He repeated the process until there were no signs of rust or decay then moved onto the other cookware and finally the broken weapons carefully scooping each one out of the bathtub then placing them in the cauldron once they were clean. He emptied the tub then scrubbed it with scented wood cleaner before filling it with snow and placing a few embers from the fireplace in the fire pit below the tub to heat the water. He spent the next two days cleaning the inside of the shack with the doors and window open to disperse the scent of the cleaner.

Iruka was outside when he felt a strong presence watching him. He continued shoveling snow from around the house and placing it into his containers until he felt warm breath on his neck. He did what anyone would to in that situation. He jumped and would have fallen into the snow if it were not for strong arms righting him. "Ryuu-sama".

"Careful, little one, I could have been a bear." She laughed sliding her thumb across the edge of Iruka's scar as she caressed his cheek and tucked his hair behind his ear. "You lost a spider."


	7. Chapter 7

_Disclaimer: I am not rich, Japanese, a publishing house or a movie company. Naruto and its characters belong to Kishimoto Masashi. Lord Washizu, the Cobweb Forest and The Throne of Blood as well as Seven Samurai and the character Manzo and his suspicious nature belong to Akira Kurosawa. Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann and the village of Giha belongs to Gainax and co-produced by Aniplex and Konami._

* * *

Iruka held his breath as she allowed the anthropod to crawl along her fingers before setting it on the ground. She waited until the insect reached the safety of Iruka's hem before stomping her foot as though she were crushing something beneath the heavy boot.

"Little one, we must always be careful of the things that are precious to us. Too bad we can't put them in a fortress and lock them up," She mused cryptically patting Iruka on the head and disappearing in a nostalgic flash of lightning.

Iruka was trembling when he carried the snow back in. The spider residing behind his ear one wasn't one of his. The ones he'd summoned were smaller. She'd given him a spider and told him something precious was locked in a fortress.

He waited until the spider went to sleep and made sure there were no other signs of chakra before consulting the scroll on which he'd merged his mother's and Tsunade's maps. Sure enough 30 miles to the north there was a blank spot. Blank spots generally meant avoid the area.

He took the risk of loosening his mother's clan map and the area that was blank on the other maps was labeled Cobweb Forest. All shinobi regardless of village placed certain protections on their dwellings and most families shared basic techniques. He gathered each chakra strengthened section of wood from his great-grandmother's store and began making seals.

After getting no results he bit his fingers and pressed it against the wood. A few drops of blood later the wood began to shimmer, "Kai."

He had barely whispered the signal for a genjutsu release when a map showing a fortress appeared as well as how to navigate the tunnels beneath the store to reach the Cobweb forest.

"No, no, no, no, no." Iruka muttered wiping the blood from the wood and reactivating the jutsu with he no longer believed was a simple childhood prayer - the same prayer taught to him by his mother who learned it from her mother. A prayer that promised it would seal out the monsters and protect everything. The same prayer he still used to set the traps at his home and had taught to Naruto and several other orphans.

The same prayer he'd imagined he heard when he spent the night in Giha.

"This can not be happening. This can not be happening," Iruka rationalized. The first day they'd met Tetsuryuu had asked about his mother, Ryuuko. He originally thought it was a coincidence both of their names contained Ryuu and were written with the same kanji for dragon.

He was no longer able to dismiss the fact she'd called his father a _foreign_ ninja and was happy when he stood up to her to protect his mother's honor. She'd told him she hoped he found the one he was looking for.

She patted him on his head and called him little one and stroked his scar. The only person to have done all of those things simultaneously had been his mother. Then there was the spider and hint about a fortress - a fortress in the middle of the Cobweb forest where legend said to stay away because it was full of Killers.

Iruka opened the least offensive bottle of shinobi's bane and began to clean. He had too many unanswered questions and way too much nervous energy. Several hours later he'd solidified his plan and fell into a fitful sleep.

The next morning Iruka didn't bother with a bath or any form of clean up. He ate breakfast and dressed in layers of dirty clothes. He needed his scent unhindered if his plan had any chance of working. He opened all the doors and window to the shack and poured the pitch into one of the smaller pots he'd taken from Giha; cookery that size was common at the ruins and easily replaced.

He used a spatula to scrape the edges of the container and making sure all of the sticky substance went into the pot before setting it on the hearth. He watched the pot closely stirring occasionally to test the goo for looseness. Once it reached the desired consistency he began patching the walls of his temporary residence.

He'd been sent to the area to deliver Kakashi's winter vaccinations. It was entirely possible the man had been caught and was unable to escape due to illness. If that were the case he may need to hide Kakashi in the cabin. The many gaps in the walls made it all too convenient for his watchers to peep in not to mention hard to keep heat in.

Once the cracks in the inner walls were closed he placed the pot containing the sealant in a larger container and carried it outside to mend the outer walls. He worked slowly deliberately allowing the mess to cool and taking it inside and reheating it before building a fire outside using one cord of the pear wood.

Even with the turtleneck pulled over his neck and the scarf around his face, the pungent scent of wood and tar was enough to turn his stomach. He took frequent breaks; removing his makeshift mask, coughing and fanning his nose for more oxygen. The longer he took the better chances of the scent spreading throughout the forest.

He had quite a bit of tar left over after sealing the shack so like a good tenant he decided to do Mama-san a favor. There were several fruit and nut trees surrounding the cabins so he used the extra to paint the bottom of their trunks.

He knew it was normally done in the spring to prevent insect infestation, but doing it early wouldn't harm them. The trees were old and the bark was thick enough to withstand the warm tar for the brief amount of time it took for the temperature to cool it.

He said a prayer and painted a zodiac symbol at each one thanking the guardians of the forest for watching over him and the tree for their fruit. As he covered the symbol with more tar he said a prayer for protection.

He overheard one of the ninja watching over him say it was nice to see someone still followed the old ways and respected nature, completely unaware the zodiac seal and prayer masked the jutsu Iruka was casting for his own protection.

He slept in his clothes that night. The shack was still cold from going all day with the windows and doors open. When he awoke the next morning, the day the Snow and Cloud Shinobi would be leaving to return to their homes he didn't bother with a bath and after a quick meal of rice balls immediately started working.

He dragged the large cauldron of wood soaked in pine cleaner outside. He began chanting and then set its contents on fire when he felt the eyes of one of his watchers boring down on him. He danced around the flames then stuck two pieces of the pear wood into the fire. Once they were lit he knocked them together to extinguish the flames and began leaping and waving them in the air.

Once the perfume of the pear smoke began to reach nauseating levels he screamed and dropped to his knees. He pressed his forehead to the ground, arms extended with a smoking log in each fist. He staked the wood into the ground then pulled his hand in steeple position in front of his face then lowered them to his chest. Once they were covered by his body he formed the beginning seals for a barrier jutsu.

He screamed what would have been an impressive battle cry before dropping his voice to low mutter and resuming his chant. He grabbed the oversized incense, sprung to his feet and punched the closest corner of the house with both fist. He then ran to the closest tree on the opposite corner of the house and punched them with both fist as well. He turned and ran full speed to the farthest corner of the house punched it then raced to the opposite tree.

By the time Iruka finished blood ran freely from his hands and all of the surrounding trees and the walls had bits of skin, blood and flesh imbedded in them. The first jutsu was set. His audience had grown from the normal four man squad to a group of ten.

Iruka placed the smoking logs into the ground and once again prostrated himself. He rose, walked to the outer trees and once again prostrated himself. He placed his forehead on the ground and buried his fingers in a tall snow drift where two blood trails intersected.

He warbled several jutsu in a language made up as a communication project by his first year students while making the accompanying seals. The snow hid his finger movements and absorbed the chakra he was emitting. Once the blood soaked through the snow it would mix with the chakra and activate the blood trails to form a double barrier.

Iruka removed his hands from the snow, pressed them against his forehead and slid them down his body as he rose to standing position. He turned his torso to the right, simultaneously raising his right knee and both hands. When his elbow formed an upwards right angle and his right leg formed a downward right angle he sang a single note. His voice rang true and clear in spite of all the running and chanting he'd done as the "AAA" rippled through the trees.

Half way through the note he flexed his wrist and ankle. When the note ended he clapped his hands and lowered his raised foot in melodic stomp and a deliberate shake of his hips. He then turned to the left and repeated his actions instead crying "OOO" when it came to the vocal part and replacing the hip shake with a slow and deliberate pelvic grind.

He sped up and threw in a leap for good measure when he heard giggles overhead. It didn't take long for his elaborate movements and cries to reach the frantic pace of the Konoha rite of passage commonly known as "If you date an Aburame, you better not cheat on your lover".

* * *

"Leave him."

"What?"

"Leave him. That crazy civilian is finally doing something entertaining."

"About damn time." the Cloud ninja grumbled withdrawing his fist from the lump he'd been punching to follow the Snow ninja sent to retrieve him.

* * *

After working up a good sweat from running, jumping, and screaming through the forest Iruka began stripping. Once he was completely naked he dropped to the ground and rolled around in the snow. He put on his outer layers and tied his sweaty thermal underwear to his legs and began walking in another large circle around the hunting lodge.

One thing he'd learned from Sandaime was that any bodily fluid can be used to set a jutsu. Blood was the strongest and most readily available so it was the most commonly used. This time he clapped his hand rhythmically while singing the names of all the gods, demons, and Chinese zodiac. Another jutsu was set.

Iruka slowly made his way back to the hunting lodge. He brought out a shovel and dug eight holes around his temporary shelter and filled them with his wet smelly underwear and the remaining pear and hickory wood. He added the ashes from the wood soaked in pine cleaner and let the smoldering bits ignite the others.

The damp clothing and snow would ensure the fire would burn slowly and generate a lot of smoke. The cool winter breeze would spread his scent and the wood mixture throughout the forest and confuse any tracker. He mixed the names of his students and friends along with those of his ancestors and lowered his head.

His made up New Year's Ritual attracted most of the Cloud and Snow Shinobi that remained in the area. He heard a few giggles or snorts but he'd felt their chakras rippling in amusement as it brushed against his for the past several hours. He was tired but his seemingly random burst of chakra had served their purpose.

It had mingled with theirs to the point it was familiar and unthreatening. By now his scent had become familiar. A few more moments of exposure to the pungent smoke and they wouldn't be able to smell a rotten egg beneath their own noses. All he had to do was hold their attention.

He'd wagered they'd never heard the national anthem of Konoha as it was sung by a drunken trio composed of Tsunade, Rock Lee, and Hinata.


End file.
